The Rough Guide to Heavy Metal

 The Rough Guide to Heavy Metal

  Essi Berelian





What in the name of Ozzy Osbourne is this piece of trash?  This is a guide to heavy metal? This is a waste of space.


The book got off to a great start by having a picture of Ozzy on the cover. Ozzy is the epitome of heavy metal. In fact, Ozzy invented it so it’s great to have him on the front cover all sweaty and evil-looking. Great start.


Bruce Dickinson, heavy metal vocalist extraordinaire, wrote a foreword for this book. Ok, good. Dickinson sings in Iron Maiden. Maiden is an extraordinary heavy metal band. So this looked promising.

 

It was there that my hopes for this book were dashed. I do hope that the man got paid well for this writing gig but you won’t learn anything about Dickinson or, Iron Maiden, or heavy metal. Nope. 


In fact, Dickinson actually says very little about anything at all. Nothing of substance whatsoever. Chances are that he composed this nonsense while on the toilet. But I hope he got paid. 


This is one long alphabetical list of band names and includes everyone from Aerosmith to ZZ Top. This is a very generous meaning of the term heavy metal. Buy a ZZ Top biography and a Steven Tyler bio you’ll be much better off.


Below each band is a small description that lists band members and some of their better albums. It’s all so humdrum. There is nothing of substance here. 


 There is a list of the top 10 live heavy metal albums of all time. On that list is . .  . wait for it . . . Cheap Trick. In what world is Cheap Trick heavy metal? Robin Zander is not a metal singer and Rick Nielson is not a metal guitar player. 


It’s hard for me to take seriously a book that claims to be about heavy metal but has a list that includes Cheap Trick. Don’t get me wrong, for as great as Cheap Trick is they are not a heavy metal band.


I suppose there was no way this, or any book, could really be a guide to heavy metal. Given the nature of heavy metal and how broad a category it is a book like this would be impossible. A Rough Guide to Heavy Metal has not done the impossible and has not slammed heavy metal into this book.


 Parents might be the target market for this book but if you think your kid might be into heavy metal, well he or she likely is and certainly does not need this book. If you think your kid is into metal find out what they like and buy them a biography of that band. Skip this book.


The fact is no one needs this book. This is a perfectly passable passel of papers.

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