I AM OZZY by Ozzy Osbourn

 I AM OZZY by Ozzy Osbourne

All aboard the Ozzy Train! What a crazy ride it’s been. Ozzy's life has been defined by Black Sabbath. Sure he has plenty of solo albums that sold well but Ozzy is Black Sabbath. 

Here we have yet another rocker who lived in a storm of cocaine and alcohol for decades claiming to remember details of his life while he was snorting more cocaine than the yearly GDP of Columbia.

 Do the combination of cocaine and alcohol actually help with memory? If I knew I could have used the help in college. Actually, I could use the help remembering what I had for breakfast yesterday.

I'm imagining Ozzy stumbling around his house with a tape recorder in hand, mumbling stuff into the recorder for his co-author to figure out. It must be like decoding a foreign language.

Well, I just love this book! Ozzy has a fun story and while the writing isn’t great it is fun to read. Sadly, however. within these pages lies a secret and no one, it seems, has called the man on it.

This secret has just sucked the air right out of me and with it my enthusiasm for the book. You’ll know when we get there, trust me you’ll know.

Back to the fun part: The chapter headings are a load of fun in themselves. What could be so fun about chapter titles, well when Ozzy gets hold of them they turn into bits of brilliance.

It starts with “John the Burglar” which I wasn't expecting. Was John actually a burglar? The title is kind of a spoiler.  Following this is “Ozzy Zig needs a gig”. Ozzy Zig! Hilarious stuff. 

 “ Killing the Vicar (in Atrocity cottage)” that title is simply genius and gets you wondering if a Vicar was killed. Why on earth would any house have the name Atrocity Cottage? Sure does sound like a place where a Vicar just might be killed. These are fabulous names and there are many, many others. All of this is great stuff and show Ozzy is one funny guy.

It turns out there was life for the Black Sabbath crew before the name Black Sabbath came along. In searching for a name for the band Ozzy tells us a great story involving a potential name, a particular Sabbath member, and possibly a brew or two and a thick “Brummie” accent. I’ll spoil it for some people just by saying “URF”.  

A new name was in order after they decided that “The Polka Tulk Blues Band” was and I quote: “crap”. I do have to say that “ The Polka Tulk Blues Band” was certainly unique. 

“What's in a name? That which we call Black Sabbath By any other name would rock the world.”

 Those first words from Ozzy on the first Black Sabbath album, “ What is this that stands before me” would have taken on a whole new meaning with the old name. Imagine just for a second that the creators of the musical genre of rock music we call “Heavy Metal” were actually called “The Polka Tulk Blues Band”.

What do Fleetwood Mac and Black Sabbath have in common? Well, pretty much nothing except that Black Sabbath had hopes of being the kind of blues band that Fleetwood Mac was in the late 60s. Fleetwood Mac was far from the pop sensations they would become in the late 70s. They had one of the finest guitar players at the time in Peter Green and were really turning out some fantastic blues. Sabbath hoped to be like them. 

Well, Black Sabbath failed hard to copy the blues stylings of the Mac but they somehow managed to stumble into creating an entirely new musical genre. So Ozzy and his mates did ok for themselves.

So the “Prince of Darkness” had no time for the Satanists that followed the band around. Turns out Black Sabbath was not satanic and did not worship the devil. Who knew? Certainly not the Satanists Ozzy sang Happy Birthday to. What a story that was.

After seeing his tv show Ozzy should have called the Prince of stumbling into dog crap. Ozzy is anything but a Prince of anything except a Prince of Darkness.

Here it comes: Ozzy admits to assaulting a woman on a plane. It seems he was traveling with Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi and a woman continued bothering him. The problem was that they were on a plane so they couldn’t escape her. According to the book, Ozzy drugged the woman to keep her from bugging him. Apparently, this woman slept the rest of the trip and Ozzy had a fine trip.

If the drugging of a woman is in fact true why has Ozzy been given a pass. I was having a great time with this book but then Ozzy drugged a woman. Sure she was bothering him but drugging her . . . but I suppose it’s OK because it is Ozzy after all. 

You know harmless, goofy Ozzy. I sincerely hope Ozzy intentionally made up the story because he thought it sounded good or his mind was so drug-addled that he thought it happened. Whatever the truth it is not a good look for Ozzy.

I was loving this book until that moment. It’s a short passage but I’m surprised no one of import has called him on this.

Sure, you should read this even though Ozzy drugs a woman. Why would the editors allow this to be included unless it is complete and total nonsense so they were safe from legal prosecution?

It’s sad that this moment was included because it has turned me against the book. The book is great fun until that point. So read it and have fun, it seems everyone else who has read it had fun too.

I think Ozzy should be ashamed of this behavior. Sharon should have been so embarrassed to read of this assault on a woman that she should have said no to including it in the book. But it was Ozzy in the ’80s and besides, he was drugged up himself. . .  and all that crap.

Yup, this is a must-read for not only Ozzy fans or Black Sabbath fans but anyone who considers themselves fans of rock and roll. Except for the assault you’ll have a grand time.